11 The Vehicle Method

Choosing a hotel’s easy when you’re rich or just don’t care about the expense. Choose it by the size, by the big-hair architecture, choose it by the household name or the fact that it appears at the top of all the Google searches you make for five-star hotels.

It’s not so easy when you’re on a budget, or you don’t have a credit card, if your driver’s license expired or you’re on the road for three months and simply don’t want to spend your entire budget on a week’s worth of sleep in the size of bed reserved for first weekends away with the new girlfriend.

That would be me – the one before last – although sometimes the last one’s me too. Not right now though, but that’s a different story.

Consider what you get for spending big. The lights work, it doesn’t smell like bleach, sheets aren’t over-used seconds from Walmart, the sink drains properly, wi-fi doesn’t need a prayer and $2.99, there’s a hairdryer, the towels don’t feel like cardboard, the TV gets several channels without commercials and there’s little danger of being mugged walking back from the restaurant.

It’s all good.

Not the same at the other end of the spectrum though.  All those advantages – turn ‘em around and take your chances.

I spend a lot of time on the road and the cost is down to me, so I’m averse to parting with a lot of money for a few hours’ sleep. It’s all about the trip – not the room.

So – how to avoid the worst pitfalls?

Not easy, but here’s what I do. It’s called the Vehicle Method.

If the parking lot is empty, either the place so despicable no one else can stand it or the only people there can’t afford a vehicle.

If it looks run down and cheap but there are REALLY expensive cars there – the Maserati or high-end Mercedes type – it’s a drug den.

If most vehicles are old, dirty, or wrecks and all have local license plates, it’s used by social services to house their ‘clients’.

The only acceptable state of the parking lot is a mix of vehicles, undented and clean, with a smattering of out-of-state plates.

Of course, there are other considerations – the presence of homeless wandering the premises, couples having verbal fights in the parking lot, a customer yelling at the front desk clerk – but those are no-brainers.

I like the Vehicle Method.

It’s worked so far.